I love cafés. I find that I work best when there’s noise in the background- especially if it’s the low buzz of conversation and fluttery classical music.

Right now I’m camped out at a Panera that has just that, at one of the two-person tables by the window with my laptop, school books, notebooks, and an excellent chai latte. Tara found out the other day that she had to make an hour-and-a-half drive up to Lafayette for a meeting early in the morning, and rather than getting up at 5 in the morning today, she decided to get a hotel room in town. And guess who came with her? Dave was at CPE all day yesterday and wasn’t due back until 11 o’clock, so rather than all of us spending the day alone, I went with Tara. That’s the short version, to be honest. We did have an alternate plan that involved me getting to hang out with Bethany until Dave got home, but we’ve postponed that one. There will be other late nights, and most likely not many other times where Tara and I get to spend the night out of town.

We stayed at the Days Inn in Lafayette and actually made about $20.20 on the deal. Sedona paid for our room, and Tara got something like $35 for food while we’re here. We ordered pizza last night and just hung out and read, and then we watched the vice-presidential debate. Oh yeah, and the 20 cents? I found two dimes in the couch when I was pulling out the tuck-away bed.  =)

So Tara’s at her meeting now, and I’m at Panera. The terms and conditions on the Panera Internet website say that customers using their computers should limit themselves to a half hour at a table, particularly during the lunch hours. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get away with staying here for a few hours, especially if I get something about every hour. I have it all planned out- first the chai latte, then possibly a pumpkin muffin for breakfast, and then maybe I’ll walk around the mall so as not to be too conspicuous, and then I’ll come back and order a Greek salad for lunch and hang out until Tara gets here. Sounds good, right?

It’s time for me to get back to writing my papers. I have a book report due in two weeks (for history, oddly enough) and a compare/constrast paper for literature due sometime in the near future. Come to think of it I had better email my professor and ask when it’s officially due. We seem to be a bit behind, because the syllabus says it was due last Tuesday, and we were only just assigned to write our proposal last Thursday. Oh well, I figure I can’t lose if I start working on it now. Maybe I’ll get it in early for a change. Hah, ‘Leah’ and ‘early’ in the same sentence… now *that’s* a rare occurance.

All of the college applications I’m filling out have some sort of section asking for my future plans. Here’s what I’m thinking of putting- tell me what you think:

Briefly describe your career plans/goals.

As of now, I’m unsure of what my career plans and goals are. However, there are some job opportunities I am keeping in mind: US secret agent, ninja, and drag racer, just to name a few.

Songs listened to while writing this: “Goldeneye” by Tina Turner, “You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell

Tonight is one of those nights where I want to write without having to worry about transitions, paragraph order, or any other such organizational nonsense. I’m going to just make a numbered list of things that are on my mind, in no particular order, and I may or may not write about them. Let’s see how this goes, shall we?

1. Moonraker
   
2. College decisions and applications
3. Schoolwork
4. My incapability to do my job well
5. Church
6. Hanging out with friends (some of whom are ten years older than I am)

1. Ah, Moonraker. This has got to be the best Bond film I’ve seen by far- in a plotless, insanely random way. Tara and I have rated it 4 out of 5 stars on our movie scale for sheer laughing value. The three of us watched it tonight at James and Bethany’s new house (and drank pretty good smoothies, the only thing I’ve learned to make well at my job). If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend that you go out right now, rent it, and watch it right away. It’s… amazing.

2. Really, I’d rather not talk about this one right now. Maybe some other time.

3. With it not being the beginning of the semester anymore, I now have homework. Not too much right now, but a few exams are coming up within a couple of weeks, along with a few papers. Let’s just say I had better manage my time well, or college life will start getting extremely difficult for me.

4. There’s nothing quite so good for a large dose of humility than a day at my work. I feel… inadequate. Like I’m too slow, too spacey, too… whatever to do my job well. I keep thinking that maybe I should have just stuck with department store type jobs, not a tough, fast-paced work environment. It seems like just when I’ve figured one thing out, I’m either doing it completely wrong or there’s another thing I need to learn shoved at me. My coworkers are pretty nice about it for the most part, but there is one girl who’s been the bane of my work existence. We won’t talk about her now. Or ever, possibly. I’d really rather not.

5. I love church! I find myself looking forward to Sundays like I haven’t in a long time. The people there are wonderful, and on top of that, I’m learning more there than I have at other churches. Well, maybe that’s not true- I’m learning the same amount, just in a different way. The churches I’ve been to in the past few years have helped shape who I am right now, have helped me learn the more… practical lessons that I needed to learn. I’m still learning those here, but I’m also learning some academic things as well (i.e. studying the minor prophets of the New Testament, learning scattered Greek words). I’m also beginning to question different aspects of my faith that I’ve never thought to question before, especially through the Sunday school class Dave teaches. I’m learning to check whether what I believe is soundly based in Scripture or whether it’s just a religious tradition that’s been held on to for generations, something that’s helped to deepen my conviction of the most important things- the basics, if you will. The rest of my ‘dogmas’ are all fair game for questioning, and perhaps for proving. Also, I’m learning how to pray in front of people without fainting from fear, how to sight read music, and how to sing well.

6. This isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. The friends who are older than I am are just T and D’s friends from church, whom I now count as my own friends in an odd way. It’s neat that they include me in things they do, even though I’m so much younger. And I’m also becoming better friends with people my age- two in particular, Kaylin and Zack. In fact, we’ve formed a sort of singing trio and we’re scheduled to sing “I Must Tell Jesus” in church next week. Just for fun. Kaylin’s the soprano, I’m the tenor an octave up just for this song (I’ll usually sing the alto part even though I’m a mezzo soprano, but for this particular song it was incredibly boring) and Zack’s the bass or the tenor, whichever fits best with the song we’re singing.

Well, turns out I like this whole list thing. It’s nice to be able to just spout off whatever comes to mind. And if you’ve noticed that this post isn’t much up to my normal grammatical and otherwise creative standard (at least in my view), that’s because, like I said, I just don’t feel like messing with the mechanics. Normally, the writer in me wants to have a variety of sentence beginnings and a wide vocabulary, but not today.

It seems like my inner writer revives almost exclusively at the wee hours of the night. Not sure whether that’s a good thing or not.

It’s so easy to think of things to write when I’m not staring at the computer screen, or even a blank notebook. Getting started has always been one of the hardest things about writing for me. I’ve been meaning to write about a lot of things and have even been mentally planning how to go about it, but for some reason, every time I look at the screen, my mind just goes blank. Until now, that is. I’m forcing myself to write, dang it.

So, I have a job now. I work at Squeeze, a smoothie shop about twenty minutes away from home (in Indy, of course). I think my technical job title is just “cashier”, but working the cash register isn’t the only thing I do. I, along with whomever else is working, take the customers’ orders, make their smoothies (or wheatgrass shots, frozen yogurt, muffins, fresh juice, etc.), wash dishes, stock stuff, clean up, and that sort of thing. Turns out I’m not very good at any of this, actually. Just about the only thing I can do right is wash the dishes, and even then I’m not very fast at it. I’m surprised they haven’t fired me yet. People keep telling me I’ll get better with practice- not my coworkers, but people ouside of work. I’m quite convinced my coworkers all think I’m an idiot. I certainly haven’t given them any evidence to the contrary.

I know I’m making it sound like I hate my job. I don’t. I actually enjoy it, most of the time. I just wish I didn’t care so much about what people think of me. Then maybe I would worry less about how slow or stupid I feel and would do my job better. The main problem with me is that I haven’t ever done anything like this before. I’ve never chopped fruit, mopped a store floor, or worked a cash register. Guess now is as good a time as any to learn. I just wish I were a little more of a natural at it.

In addition to a job, I also have three classes at Ivy Tech Community College on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m taking Trigonometry with Analytic Geometry, World Literature II, and World History II. They’re all fairly interesting, but my favorite by far is the literature class. Makes sense, since literature has always been my strong point. It also helps that we’re doing a play I happen to like a lot right now- Tartuffe, by Molière, for anyone who cares. The other two classes aren’t bad either. Surprisingly, the trig class makes me feel smart. I’ve taken trigonometry so recently that I still remember most of it, so it’s relatively easy. It’s like one big review so far, but I’m just waiting for it to get hard. I know it will. The other class, the history one, is relatively interesting. The problem, however, is that it’s the last class of the day, so by the time I get there, I’m just done. I’m too busy thinking about other things and not wanting to sit in class anymore that I have trouble paying attention. I’ve learned to curb that, though, and I take detailed notes to force myself to stay engaged in the discussion. So far I’ve not had much homework, but again, I’m just waiting for it to get harder. It always does.

At the moment, I can’t stop worrying about college. Where am I going to go? What am I going to study? How in the world am I supposed to choose somewhere to go from hundreds of Christian colleges? With the help of Mom, Tara, and Dave, I’ve chosen four colleges I’d like to visit: Taylor (of course), Huntington, Houghton, and Wheaton. T and D said visiting would help my decision, that I’d “get a feel for the atmosphere” or something like that. Crazy as my brain is, I can’t get an image out of my head of me walking around on a campus and all of a sudden being struck by a wonderful inspiration that this is the place to which I’ve been destined to go all my life. What can I say? I’m a romantic. I know life doesn’t work that way, not for people like me. That’s what worries me. How will I know what to do? It’s at times like these that I sort of envy my friends who have it all figured out- Megan and Joy. They’ve already made their decisions and are past that horrible, awkward stage of decision. Must be nice to be them.

You might be wondering why I chose “Welcome to the Jungle” as the title of this post. There’s a couple of reasons for it, I promise. One is that I just happen to be listening to that song as I’m writing this; I need nothing less than some hard rock to keep me awake. The other reason is that my life feels a little like a jungle right now, in the sense that I’m exploring a lot of previously unexplored territory- for me, anyway. I suppose I could have put “Welcome Me to the Jungle”, but that would have sounded stupid. I’ve had enough of sounding stupid for one day.

I’m so tired; it’s been an incredibly long week. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep for a long time… which I’m now going to do.

We went to West Virginia this weekend to visit family, and I didn’t take a single photo. Isn’t that ridiculous? I didn’t forget my camera, I just forgot. I had a great time, though, like I always do. Aunt Erayna, Robin, Mom, Tara, Dave, and I went shopping on Saturday. It was good to see everyone again and to be able to hang out with them. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been shopping with them.

Of course, when we got back, we sang some of our family songs together, and then Mom, Dad, Dave, Tara, and I went to go visit Great Aunt Lorene (or Auntie, as I’ve always known her). Most of the reason for our trip was that she was in the hospital and wasn’t in great shape. She’s out now, but she’s weak. Mom thought it would be a good idea to come and see her (and everyone else) over Labor Day weekend. So we did. And it was fun. =)

There’s one bad thing about all this, though; I’ve come down with a severe case of apathy since yesterday. I don’t want to do a thing. I slept in until 10:30 today and almost didn’t get up then. I feel like I could be perfectly happy going back to bed and sleeping the rest of the day away. Why? I’ve no idea. I don’t think I’m actually tired- I couldn’t be, I slept for ten-and-a-half hours last night! Maybe it’s that my life is about to get so much busier than I’ve been used to it being for three years. Or maybe I’m just fighting off snatches of a virus or something. Whatever it is, I hope I get over it soon. I hate feeling like this.

I’ve been avoiding doing this for weeks, finding something else to occupy my time. Seems like the amount of things that have happened since my last entry and my will to write are connected: the more I’ve got going on, the less I want to sit down and write about it. I’m always afraid I’ll miss something important, and on days like today, I’ve got so much in my head that I’d like to write down that this will most likely be another one of those hodgepodge posts that have a ridiculously diverse amount of things in it.

So, if you’ve got the time, patience, and interest, please read on. I just thought I should warn you.

First of all, I’ve arrived in Indianapolis! For the next four months, until Christmas, I get to live with Tara and Dave. They’ve given me the guest bedroom and told me I can make it my own. So I have. It’s got some of my posters lying around (tried to hang one up but it came off in the middle of the night), along with my handy dry erase board and a few other decorations. Mostly it just feels like my room because there’s a perpetual mess of piles lying around- clothes, jewelry, school stuff. My stuff. And the ferret is currently occupying the tiny room within mine. I’m actually not sure what you’d call it… a study, maybe? It’s closet that doesn’t feel like a closet. It only has room for a TV -currently on the floor due to a lack of short TV stands in the stores (apparently they don’t make them short anymore)- a squashy-looking armchair, a small metal shelf full of old cards and craft supplies, and a bookshelf that covers the slanted wall. And now, my ferret’s cage. Eventually I’m going to let her run around my room, but for now I’m not sure how ferret-proof it is, especially under my bed and behind the dresser. I’ll have to get on that sooner or later.

Classes start on Tuesday. I registered for three of them at Ivy Tech: World Literature II, World History II, and Trig with Analytic Geometry. All of them will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I’ll be on campus from 8 a.m. (ugh!) to 2 p.m. It’ll be hard to get up that early, but I’m already practicing.

I also applied for a few jobs at some local businesses here- Squeeze (a smoothie place that reminds me of Jamba Juice), one of the local movie theaters, Panera, and Target. Squeeze was the only one to get back to me. They left me a message on my phone on Thursday  night, and when I called back Friday morning, they told me they wanted to interview me at 3 o’clock the same day! So Dave took me over, and I talked to the guy who had called- Eric, one of the managers. I told him it was my first job interview and that I was a little nervous, and he told me not to worry about it, that it was “the easiest thing in the world”. Turns out, he was right. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. He just asked me about myself and about why I wanted to work at Squeeze, and I told him. After the interview, he told me that he was 99% sure he was going to hire me. And at my reaction to that -I couldn’t help smiling with relief- he said that never mind, he was going to hire me right there. Eric told me he’d write up the schedule for next week and would call me over the weekened, and that was that.

I have a job. My first real job (Rhodes Grove doesn’t really count). Isn’t that exciting?

Next week, everything gets started. I only have a day and a half left of summer vacation- not even that, if I end up being on the work schedule tomorrow. I feel apprehensive, but also relieved. Things are finally settled, and I get to start having a routine.

It’s going to be quite a week.

I’ve been discovering a lot of new music these past couple of days. One of my favorites is an artist by the name of Jonathan Elias. His album “American Rivers” is spectacularly beautiful. I heard one of his songs on a paint commercial today, actually, and I liked it so much that I looked it up online. I definitely recommend listening to his music- it’s amazing!

Also, I’ve discovered the joys of the ‘iLike’ application on Facebook. It’ll take what you’re playing in iTunes and suggest other artists, often ones who are new and have free downloads. I got some twenty free songs from it today, and I love them all. I’ve come to find that I like little-known artists. Who knew?

I’ve had “Just A Closer Walk With Thee” stuck in my head all week -especially the first two verses- and I’ve been singing it almost nonstop. At first I wasn’t sure why, but now I think I know. I was at camp from Sunday to Thursday night for staff training, and now I’m home for the weekend. Overall, I had a wonderful time, just like I knew deep down that I would. I didn’t feel well the first couple of days, so that affected my mood quite a bit; I wasn’t as happy to be there as I knew I should be. But still, I couldn’t get “Just A Closer Walk With Thee” out of my head. For a while, I blamed it on the fact that I had sung it with the Woodruff Place choir a few weeks ago in Indy, but as events progressed, I began to realize that I was singing it for a different reason. For once, I listened to the words. Let me put the first two verses and the refrain here, for convenience’s sake:

I am weak but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep me from all wrong
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee

Just a closer walk with Thee
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea
Daily walking close to Thee
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be

Through this world of toil and snares
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee

When I think about it, that’s what I want; to walk closer with Jesus. I believe there was a reason I kept thinking about that song while I was at camp; it helped keep me focused on the true reason why I was there. In the last few days of staff training, that focus made all the difference. And to think I didn’t even like the song before last week!

I can’t wait until day camp. This year, I’m going to tackle my job at Rhodes Grove with new enthusiasm and new goals for myself.

It’s that time again. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since last summer. It certainly hasn’t felt like a year.

In just under two hours, I’ll be a kitchen girl at Rhodes Grove Camp again. At the moment, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that. I had similar doubts last year- after all, five weeks is a long time. But I know once I get there, I’ll have the time of my life just like I did before. Sure, things will be different, but it’ll still be fun.

Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself? Honestly, I kind of am. There’s a lot going on in my life right now, a lot of stuff I have yet to take care of, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get it all done. But I’ll worry about that later. I don’t need to be doing that now.

Anyway, I’m all packed and ready to go. This year, I won’t be taking my computer with me. Even though it would be so much more convenient (I’d be able to write and not use a notebook, for one thing), it’ll be good for me to not be around technology so much. I’m bringing a whole stack of books. I’m also bringing my mp3 player, because really, I’ve got to have something electronic. I’m an American. Gotta have my music. I’m also bringing my cell phone, but only because Mom wants me to, and my digital camera.

I’d better go triple-check everything again. Goodness knows I’ve forgotten something already.

Wow, I just realized that June 6th was the fourth anniversary of my first foray into the blogging world…

Great, now I feel old. o_0